Long time coming

Well here is a picture of our little monkey waiting patiently to come out and meet us. We had a 3D/4D scan a couple of weeks ago and it was just amazing. It was really quite emotional to see her. See her face and movements. It was exciting to recognise features of hers in ourselves and know she is really ours and in nine weeks she will be here. I felt a lot of excitement and an overwhelming sense of love watching her on the screen and Guitarboy felt extremely protective. He got quite funny when we confirmed the sex because you could quite clearly see her girl bits and thought she deserved her privacy and didn't want everyone looking at her. The little monkey was very active the whole half hour munching on her hands and feet the entire time. Yes, our little acrobat can already fit a hand and foot in her mouth at the same time. I think she was hungry because I was hungry but was very impressed with her flexibility. I used to be able to do that a long time ago as well. I wonder if she will inherit these double jointed hips of mine? Anyway, it really was well worth the money. I know a lot of people who don't have the scans done because they cost between $100-$200 depending on the package. For me I feel like I really know this baby now and it has given me everything I need to keep pushing through to the due date no matter what is thrown at me. When I feel like I have had enough of the snot filled nose, coughing up fleghm and vomiting I think of her with her foot in her mouth and know it is all worth it.

I did have a trying time maintaining my focus and unwavering love when I got my tests back for gestational diabetes. I failed. Not by a huge amount but enough to have to go to the diabetic clinic and have them analyse my diet and get my monitoring system. I was pretty certain I was going to fail. I have been exceptionally tired. Sleeping in as long as possible every morning and passing out on the couch at 8 o'clock. I also wee a million times a day and have had an unbelievable thirst for lemonade. A couple of cans a day. I don't really do soft drink. I am not a fan of the sugar or the bubbles and had put it down to cravings. I hope I didn't do too much damage in my sugar-a-thon. She was probably packing on the weight. The results were not a shock but I still felt like a big failure. I know that this is not my fault. It has been very carefully explained to me that it has nothing to do with me but the hormones the little monkey is producing to keep her all safe and sound don't allow my body to let the insulin do its job properly but I still feel like crap. I feel like I have put her in danger with my crappy body and in turn put myself in danger and given Guitarboy more to worry about. I keep thinking if I was fitter and carrying a little less weight this would never have happened. I had put a bit of weight on after the miscarriage in a bit of comfort eating. Those hash browns and fish fingers sure made me feel a little better though. My Mum keeps pointing out that whilst I started this pregnancy a little overweight at 85 I have done nothing but lose weight since and had I been slighter might not have coped as well. I am about 82 now and should have put about 7 kgs on with baby, extra blood etc. Other than the lemonade my diet is pretty good and simple. When I met with the dietition she was happy with it and all my food choices just stressing that I have to eat at least 5 meals a day, stay away from anything sugary and stick to low GI choices. I already prefer and eat mainly low GI and I don't have a sweet tooth at all. I only eat 3 meals at the moment but struggle with that because I feel so full but am making a real effort. I have found that if I plan my meals for the day, make sure I take my snacks with me and set my alarm when it is time to eat I can do it. So far my my little finger pricker machine tells me my levels are all ok. There have been a few curly ones and my fasting levels have been a bit high but I am not going to worry about that too much yet.

We also have had to go to baby school on the weekend. I was really looking forward to it, Guitarboy not so much. I didn't get as much out of it as I wanted to. We started the day with a run through of the stages of labour and information about pain relief. There wasn't enough detail about labour for my liking. I really wanted to know what the body was doing and why it was doing it. I wanted to be able to really motivate myself through the labour process by knowing what my body was trying to achieve and then knowing how close we were to the outcome. I guess really all I wanted was more of the gory details. The pain relief part scared the crap out of me. I am one for trying not to put too many chemicals in my body because the reaction is generally not a positive one. When I have a migraine and dope myself up I feel like I have the worst hang over ever for a couple of days. I try to only give myself the amount that will just see me through so I don't have to suffer after to much. Anything that might make you vomit will definitely make me vomit and if there is a chance of something making my legs go numb I am sure it will happen to me. In my head the way I am prepared to get through the labour process is to be in control as much as possible of what is going on. If I need to walk around, have a shower or to lay down I need to be able to do that. If would frustrate me, make me over emotional and end in tears if I can't so for now I am not embracing any of the drugs. I AM open to the the fact that this may be way too much pain than I can cope with and I may be begging for them but for now I am going to try anything else. This brings me to the second stage of baby school, the physiotherapist. I really enjoyed this part probably because I wanted this information more but also because the lady was easy going, full of information and answered all questions well. She basically was there to go through labour positions and techniques to relieve pain and get through the journey without drugs. I guess it was all pretty much information we knew already but by going through it all it made me less scared and more confident that this was something that we could actually get through. I went to the lunch break feeling more confident in my abilities and in the rest of the days activities. Well, the rest of the afternoon was a bit disappointing. We had a tour of the hospital facilities including the labour rooms, nursery and private post birth rooms. With 33 people in our group it was stuffy and hard to really get a good idea of any of it. A very kind patient came out to talk to us about her stay at the hospital and show off her little girl. Finally a baby to look at and melt our hearts and we couldn't see over all of the other people. Guitarboy had now lost complete interest, he hadn't really got anything out of the day so far except where the nearest put was. There was a final really crap session of settling and changing a baby and the day was over for us. Over for us because we did not want to watch the bad 80's birthing video or see a fresh placenta. That's right! A bit of gory show and tell. I hadn't planned on looking at ours let alone anyone elses! Horrified we left asap. We both felt we had got a bit more from the books we had read than anything we had seen or heard that day. I am still glad we went only for the fact we now know where we need to go when we need to and it was nice to see where we will be once the baby is born.

Other than that I have been madly trying to organise the nursery, a bathroom renovation, work and life. I am pretty exhausted and sick of having so much to think about all of the time but that's life. I must say without the support of my family particularly my Mum I would be a complete wreck. They always know when my doctors appointments and test are and are waiting for phone call with the update or results. My Mum normally calls everyday but now also calls for my results on my blood sugar levels particularly if I have had had dinner at their house the night before. When I am frustrated, down, worried or frightened I can just let it all out with no judgement and there will always be the follow up call to make sure I am feeling better or still need to talk. We are beyond lucky that we have my Mum ready to step in when I go back to work and look after our little monkey for how ever many days we need her. It means we do not have to worry financially with child care costs or who and how our little one is being brought up. She is ready to understand and put into practice our parenting techniques so there is balance and continuity. It relieves me to know that I can walk out of the house and our little one with someone I can completely trust. That if something happens I will be called straight away. That I can leave the house with a pile of washing and know that she will not judge me for that and put it on to make my life easier. I am under no illusion that going back to work will be easy. It is going to kill me to leave the little one and it is going to be hard working and juggling motherhood but I am so reassured that with her support we will all get through it reasonably unscathed. Their excitement, enjoyment and participation in this pregnancy only makes me more excited because they are so looking forward to this new chapter in their life. Really I just feel so very very lucky with all that I have.

PS. I don't think I mentioned my Mum staying with me for four days while Guitarboy was away last week because I don't sleep while he is away and I had been sick. She was also sick as a dog but came and babysat and helped me with the nursery. It is nearly completed because of her hard for. She is just the best! Thanks Mum!

Heavy Heart

There has been a lot that I have been meaning to blog about. Family wedding fun and drama on KI, Vintage Clothing Sale, Lovely Friends Visiting, Drama and Death in our Fishtank. That all seems a little nothing now and I can't be bothered posting about them. You see, in amongst all these things happening has been our family dog getting quite sick. He suddenly became quite slow and lethargic and went off his food. Yes we were in the middle of the most extreme heat wave ever but this was unusual. He had lost a lot of weight. He was always a bit on the chubby side but the ribs were now protruding. A quick trip to the vet gave him an general antibiotic injection and a call back for blood tests. The blood tests were more serious, the vet needed to put him on a drip, monitor him and do an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed masses of cancer in his stomach and liver. Chemo was an option but would only prolong a life that was already on its way to ending. All this news came in the last few moments as we were all packing for a trip to KI for a family wedding. The place we were staying was a beautiful spot pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Lots of wildlife came to visit and so it made sense that the owners rules were no pets. A very teary phone call from my Mum to the owner and Sam was on his way with us. The owner was a dog lover as well with 6 of her own. The plan was to enjoy the wedding celebrations but also enjoy our last few moments with our beloved dog. I made sure I took the time to give him many pats and cuddles especially his favourite ear flops that would make him groan with enjoyment. By the end of the weekend he could hardly get up and walk which was such a change from the dog a few weeks ago. He always had a smile and a wag of the tail for you though. I said my goodbyes to him that weekend. He was put down a few days later. Goodbye my friend. xxxxxxxxxxx

Farewell Sammy the Dog!

Hot, Sticky, Sweaty & Not Happy!

We have been having a ridiculous heat wave here in Adelaide. It has been 11 consecutive days above 35 degrees. It is expected to continue until Wednesday. I don't think it has been close to being 35 though. 38 plus everyday and today is going to be forty. It sure feels like it already.

At home we have been coping pretty well. We finally organised blinds in our large living area that is filled with windows. 10 blinds all up. We have a lot of windows. The blinds really have made such a difference, Sure the house is still hot but not hotter than outside at least. Our aircon in the living room is just a lifesaver. It is so good we don't even have to have it on constantly or I get too cold! Unfortunately with the shape of the house this lovely cool air does not reach the rest of our house and we rely on a blow your knickers off fan to get us through the night. As of monday we will have an aircon in our bedroom as well. A huge luxury that we have really gone back and forth over. Our bedroom really cops the heat in summer and is freezing in winter and very damp. It will be nice to be able to put it on for half and hour and take the heat or chill out of the room. It should filter from our room directly across to the babies room making her more comfortable as well. It feels extravagent but I am sure when we have it installed I will forget about all of that and enjoy a comfortable nights sleep.

Unfortunately we have no aircon at work. This has been since xmas and the tight people that own the building have taken this long to figure out what to do. The building has one of those huge old cooler towers from prehistoric times. The type where you have to get a technician in to change the temperature. This can be a bit difficult when the seasons start to change. It has been on its way out for years. Basically it blew up and we have been living in hell ever since. I work on a mezzanine above our store so all the hot air rises to where I sit. We have these giant portable airconditioners with massive ducts that run out the front of the building in the store. They are great if you stand right in front of them and keep the temperature in the store a few degrees cooler than outside. The ducts however have to run up to the mezzanine beside my desk to get out the the window and are naturally quite hot. With the hot air rising and the heat coming off the aircons my office is a sauna. I got through about 4 750ml bottles of water while I am at work and have been scoffing icy poles like there is no tomorrow. I think I have been handling it pretty well. Sitting right on top of a fan and making the best of it. Yesterday I snapped. I can not make the effort to talk to anyone. My head is foggy and my feet keep swelling so much I can't get my shoes back on at the end of the day. I have dispensed with shoes now and only wear thongs. Todays attire is a vintage mexican dress (a moo moo really) and thongs. Not exactly work attire but I am pregnant, hot and have given up! If someone makes a comment on the heat or asks how I am feeling I am no longer positive or cheery. I used to keep saying that we just have to make the most of it. Now I am honest and say it is f*cked and I am over it. OVER IT!

I have more to report from house guests to my big clothing sale but to be honest the brain isn't working and it will have to wait until I am in the comfort of aircon tonight.

Hope you are all staying cool!

Went a little crazy

I went to a little kids clothing store on Friday and bought a few or more things. It was all so adorable and cute and was the first time I had got excited about buying this baby anything. These are a few of my purchases. Not the little headbands but the tracksuit and pinny. Just adorable. As I haven't been buying anything for myself this was a lot of fun and exciting!

Sooooooo Tired

My monkey has gone away (Guitarboy). This meant we had to get up at 4.30 this morning to head to the airport in time. It would have probably been fine if by the time I got home I wasn't voilently ill and then could not get back to sleep. Instead I am sitting at work in the stinking heat (it is high 30's again her today) trying to look like I am contributing and sending my boss out for icy poles. Our airconditioning broke down before xmas and the landlord still hasn't fixed it. My boss is very understanding about it all. Without me complaining at all he has suggested I come in early in the morning to get what I need done and then go home. I can work from home but feel like a bit of a piker. There are portable airconditioners every where but where my office is so I really shouldn't feel that bad. I don't sleep when my monkey is not at home and right now my body is craving all the sleep it can get. I am going to stay with Ma and Pa but this means leaving the cats and the house. I will leave the cats outside in their enclosure so they can escape the stifling heat in the house and get some lovely breezes at night but I worry about snakes and spiders. They really aren't the brightest. I am paranoid about something happening to the house as well. I will swing past in the morning on my way to work to make sure the cats are OK and have plenty of water and food and hopefully the house will not have burnt down. Irrational I know but this is how my odd brain works. I think that is just the best I am going to be able to do.

The fun part of my pregnancy is that the vomitting has come back and I have a constant blocked and stuffy nose. It has been about two months with the nose stuffiness and I am getting used to it now but my lips and nose are soooooo dry from all of tissues and breathing through the mouth. Nothing I am able to take has worked to relieve it at all so I just keep a supply of aloe vera tissues with me at all times and really embracing moisturiser. The vomitting I can really do without. It is sudden and does not matter if I have anything in my stomach or not. I find having something in your stomach is better than nothing because all of that voilent retching on an empty stomach just stresses you out and can't be making the baby feel great either. I am a pretty easy and calm vomiter if there is something in there. Go through the motions and get on with it. You always feel better once it is over. I have taken to drinking a pint of water as soon as I get out of bed so at least there is something there but sometimes I don't catch it in time. Brushing my teeth can sometimes send me in to round two as well. I have better luck keeping that under control but the first few times completely took me by surprise and there were a few accidents. If this is all of the drama I have to go through I am pretty happy. I feel blessed that we are at week 20 and at the halfway mark. It reassures me a little that we might make it to the 40 week mark but only a little. I will breath a huge sigh of relief when this baby finally arrives hopefully screaming, breathing and healthy.

Exciting Times Ahead

Sorry have been so slack with the posting.

Things have been pretty hectic around here. Guitarboy and I are both working on major projects. Guitarboy is constructing a massive shed in our backyard. We currently have two garden sheds filled with tools, paint, gardening equipment and junk. The idea is to get something bigger that will organise all of this. It will also be able to house Guitarboys other projects his sailboat, motorbike and scooter. He has sourced a combustion heater from my parents renovation and is planning on lining it as well. A home away from home I think. I hope I still get to see him once it is all done.

I am working on two projects. With the new arrival comes a baby's room. Unfortunately right now Guitarboy and I both use our spare rooms. Guitarboy has a study/music room and I have an emporium of shoes, clothes and handbags and a spare bed squeezed in somewhere as well. Our idea is that the baby will get the smaller spare room and we will share a room for the rest. This has meant some sad and sorry times for me over the past few weeks. I find it hard to part with things I love. Beautiful fabrics, well designed shoes I am happy to stare at and store even if they don't fit and don't have the possibility of fitting any time soon. My boobs and belly keep growing and the all experts tell me the boobs are not slowing down anytime soon (thanks mermaidgrrrl). This means about 3/4 of my wardrobe can go immediately. The shoes, anything that pinches or is not stable enough can go as well (about 50 pairs). Bags are harder, I haven't started on those yet. The outsome of all of this is that I am having a giant huge clothing clearance extravaganza. This Monday all items will go. Friends, collegues, friends of friends, collegues of friends, people of the street are coming to buy my precious and loved pieces. They are going for a steal, nothing above $50. Crazy! I am actually feeling clean and refreshed after doing all the cleaning out. Is that the nesting kicking in? Lets hope it all goes well and I make some money towards the bathroom renovation fund.

My other project is finally starting my online vintage clothing store. I have been collecting vintage gems mainly from the usa for about 3 years now. I buy them cheap and then have had every intention of selling them here for more money. We Aussies are a little scared of buying from overseas and our vintage resources are drying up a little. This is all really time consuming though. Ironing and or cleaning, taking measurements, checking for labels, checking for faults, photographing, editing photographs to make them look their best and then finally loading this all up online. Luckily I have the perfect model for all of this. My sister is the perfect vintage size (ie small boobs and even smaller waist) so for a trade of some beautiful vintage pieces she is giving her time and modelling. No head shots though! The first lot went up on Saturday night and so far all is looking good. Only one bid but a lot of people interested. Crossing my fingers that all goes well and I make a profit!

We have also had our 19 week scan in all of this. This check that all the organs are present and working, the baby is growing at the right rate, the placenta is in the right position and there is enough amniotic fluid. We also got to find out the sex and make a DVD to take home and show friends and family. I have to say I was pretty excited to be having another scan. I sometimes feel like I just have this abnormal growth on my front and that there is no baby at all. The scan confirms that I am not living in that nightmare. The little bean was having a lovely time in there, tossing and turning and waving it's arms and legs around. Once all the measurements were done it was DVD time. I was allowed and quick toilet break (what a relief) and then the show would begin. Unfortunately the bean had decided that the show was over. It was sleep time and no amount of jiggling, poking or prodding was going to change that. The DVD is actually quite funny because of that, you see this lovely little baby fast asleep with its legs straight out and it arched right over so its head is touching its feet. Very flexible. Then you see this jiggling on the screen which is my belly being pushed and rattled. Then again you see the baby sleeping. This went on for about 10 minutes. At one point a little hand did go up and I swear we got the finger! It was definitely sleep time and nothing was going to change that. We learnt two definite things about our baby that day. It is very stubborn (those genes come from Guitarboy) and it likes its sleep and is not easily woken (those are my genes).

We also did learn of course what the sex was! Drum roll please ................... it's a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were questioned a lot about our decision to find out. People are surprisingly quite opinionated about it but we both really wanted to know. It has not lessened the experience in any way and there are still plenty more suprises to come. We look forward to the whole birth experience and seeing and greeting our little girl for the first time. It has actually made up both so much more excited. We are trying out new names on the belly everyday and Guitarboy is having some lovely Dad conversations with her.

Anyway, I actually have some work I could be doing so better get on with it!

I look the same really!

Except for maybe that large growth on the front of my body!

So this is how it goes ...............

Has been a busy and strange couple of weeks. Lots of good, bad and still figuring how to handle that.



Bad. I have been trying to decide whether to keep a friendship going. The only reason it has managed to survive so far is because I feel sorry for this person and I am a bit scared of them. I am scared of them because I am weak and they are the biggest manipulators I have ever met. It is difficult to keep a friendship alive when someone lies about 80% of the time. Because I am scared of them and hate confrontation I have been avoiding their 5 calls and emails a day for the past two weeks. Wrong thing to do because it is hurtful and as much as I wanted to end the friendship I wanted to be nice about it. Instead I have now really hurt their feelings (which was going to happen anyway) and am beating myself up about how mean I was for letting it carry on for so long. I should have spoken up those many many times ago when I did not agree with what they were doing to me and other people but was to gutless and not in for a fight. Stupid hurtful me. Those around me who know the situation say it is what she deserved. No one deserves to be treated like they never meant anything no matter how angry you are.

Good. All our baby results have been coming back AOK! Thank goodness, there is still a long way to go though. We are currently just over 16 weeks. The belly has popped and when I figure out how to post a photo I will put one up to show the progress. It has slowly dawned on Guitarboy and I that we are actually going to become parents and as much as we are quietly freaking out it it isn't overshadowing our excitement. In about 2 weeks time we get to find out the sex and have another scan to see the little arms and legs moving crazy around. It is quite overwhelming to see something that is only 5 or 6 cms look and behave exactly like a baby already. I was a bit emotional but think I managed to keep all tears at bay. The fact that my bladder was just about to burst pretty much kept my full concentration.

More Good. We took a little trip up the Sunny Queensland for a trip with Little Mister, Mermaidgrrrl and Mr Seth. We were also going to partake in some Hilary Duff singing action while we were there. The Brisbane Entertainment Centre rocked! Anywhere that sells salty popcorn while you are watching cheesy pop music is my idea of heaven. The screaming (and I mean screaming) kids that were there as well were a bit of a downer but we got through it with our hearing a little worse but more love for Miss Duff. We had an absolutely fabulous time with the gang. Lots of relaxing, sleeping, foxtel and cuddles were exactly what the doctor ordered. I haven't seen Guitarboy that relaxed in a long time. It was amazing to see how much Mr Seth has changed and grown up. He is such a little person now! Just as loving as his parents and such a cheeky and heart warming smile. We were so lucky to spend some quality time with them all. If I didn't say it enough, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Still figuring out how to handle that. The baby and the inlaws. Be strong, diplomatic and fair is how I see it. Enough said.

Life

This has been a crazy busy week as far as work is concerned. We have just had one key staff member leave at the end of last week and the replacement arrive this week. Another of our staff has resigned this week to take the job of our replacement where he used to work. Does that make sense? This industry is a bit incestuous. We now have to find someone new, there are new roles and team dynamics and we are also renovating the store. I have given up coming to work in nice clothes that are just going to get ruined and now look very glamorous in my tracksuit and sneakers. I am really comfortable though and am thinking of making this a permanent uniform.



I am now the only female here and all of the cleaning duties and make the store look nice duties seem to have fallen to me. The store is filthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One half of it looks like we just moved in. It is frustrating me to madness that if I am not down there nagging and saying put this away and what is happening with this they just sit at there desks and go on facebook just like they are doing now. It took me all day yesterday to get half of it even looking like it should. I will endeavour to finish the rest today, I can't help my self even though it is a thank less task. The problem is the work that I have now not done is just piling up making next week even worse. Oh well, this is what working is all about isn't it?

In spare time I have been trying to spend time with family, friends and especially guitarboy. He is flat out a work at the moment. He leaves home at about at about 6am and returns at about 7pm. This a a very long day without a break and right now he is there all day Saturday as well. The problem is that he really cares about his job and is surrounded by a bunch of monkeys who don't take responsibility for there own jobs and really don't care so he is left to pick up the pieces. We are trying to work out the formula for making people care about their jobs and putting even a little effort in but have not had much luck. Any suggestions would help because I do quite like him and would like to see him a bit more often!

It was my birthday last weekend so we had a full weekend of my favourite things, yummy breakfasts and the zoo! I haven't been to the zoo in Adelaide for over 10 years. It was so much fun! It was a beautiful sunny day and all of the animals were out and about showing off. So was pretty much every pregnant person or adult with a small child in Adelaide. I think there is a breeding epidemic here! I took it all as a positive sign that it would be our turn soon. A highlight were the Lions and the Red Pandas. Just adorable and so interesting to see how much our two at home are similar to their relatives. Our Little Man has a lovely big flat nose like a lion and has their lean muscular body. Well he does now after a little dieting! Not so much of a highlight was seeing the monkeys having sex. Funny but a bit wrong to watch! Must be all that fresh air and people staring at you!

Signing off now because one of my colleagues has just had Chinese cupping done on his back! Looks amazing and quite freaky!